When the time came to finally
begin my major counseling assignment, I met Roger. Roger was looking for
someone to talk to and friends referred him to me. I was excited as I would
have a real person with real needs and not have to “pretend“ I was counseling.
I was looking forward to the
opportunity to improve my skills. Like so many ministers I knew I was working
on answers as the client was still talking. I was beginning to understand that
many clients did not come looking for answers as much as they needed someplace to
get things off their chests. I needed to learn to listen more carefully. This
could work out well,
I learned a bit about Roger from
the friends who referred him to me, but I wanted to learn most of what I needed
to know directly from him.
I liked him right away. It was
quickly obvious that he was going to be extremely honest and he wanted help.
After listening to his story on day one, I was struck with fear. Was I really
the one to help this man? His concerns were beyond anything I understood.
Roger’s wife attended the church in
the past and had often asked prayer for his conversion. She was certainly
sincere. From her point of view, their marriage was a shambles. She loved him
and wanted him back. By the time Roger and I connected, he had already come to
know the Lord and was in the beginning stages of putting a tragic alternative
lifestyle behind him and marching forward with God.
It was like he and his wife were
trading places. She was moving away from God, as he was moving toward God. She
appeared to be moving into the lifestyle he was leaving. As I listened to his
story I wanted to weep. After all those prayers for him to leave his old life
and turn to God – which had happened – now she was leaving God. It didn’t make
sense. It seemed like once he had made his commitment, he was becoming the
focus of attention and she was slipping into the background. She may have felt
like he value was somewhat lost.
He loved her and felt a
responsibility toward her for sticking with him through his foolishness. He
considered it his turn to stick with her.
I could barely write what I was
hearing. I was so emotionally broken. I did make an appointment with Norm
Wright to talk about Rogers concerns. Right or wrong, my heart told me the
situation would never be worked out. That caused me to struggle with my faith.
How could I believe in an all-powerful God who could change the lives of anyone
and not believe this couple could be healed and their relationship restored? It
felt impossible.
Norm helped me get a handle on how
to proceed. I began to encourage Roger to follow his heart. We prayed at every
session for his wife and the restoration of their relationship. Meanwhile,
Roger continued to grow in the grace and knowledge of the Lord Jesus and his
compassion for his wife got stronger.
While I was completing my
assignment as requested, my time with Roger became much more friend to friend.
I was able to give him some direction, and he was getting his fears and
frustrations off his chest. He was also beginning to believe he had lost his
wife and there would be no restoration. He never hated her. He was never mad at
her choices. He felt like he had put her through hell far too many years and he
was going to stand by her through her terrible choices. I admired him.
His decisions caused me to
evaluate my own life. I did not think I could do the same thing if our places
were reversed. I admired his faith and strength. We decided to end the weekly sessions
together after about four months. The assignment portion of these sessions had
been over for some time. I believe I was of some assistant to Roger, but he
helped change my counseling approach and even how to view those who come for
counseling. God loves us all.
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