THE RED BIBLE chapter 33

(Parenthetically Speaking…

Digging back into ones mind over 50 years later is not the most reliable thing to do. These are my memories, Hopefully the good and sometimes humorous ones. It’s about growing up Christian and growing up blessed.)

While I am grateful for the friendships developed in Youth For Christ, they had a particular practice that unnerved me. I doubt the practice was required and maybe not even encouraged, but it seemed to be encouraged by example. I was still very unsure about being identified as a Christian. I certainly never spoke of faith nor got into any religious debates.  I suspect that with my Friday night football boys, they might have laughed had they heard me talk about church. One the other hand, going to church was no frowned upon in the 50’s. It was common for many.

YFC kids carried a red Bible. I thought it signified they were part of YFC and that they were Christian. I doubt most people knew what is meant. It was certainly easier to carry a red Bible on top of your books than to stand on a soapbox like one was at Mars Hill with the apostle Paul.

I delayed getting one until I felt like I just didn’t fit in without it. I wanted a red Bible, but I was nervous about carrying it around school.  I bought it, thumbed through it to begin to get adjusted to understanding and reading the book. I knew the books of the Bible and participated in a lot of sword drills (seeing who could find a selected verse in the Bible first). There were things I really wanted to know. I wasn’t sure I would be able to find out the answers I was seeking, but I set out to try.

I was attracted to some of the old Bible stories I learned as a kid. I was very interested in the people of the Old Testament. I was fascinated the by the life of King David. All I really knew was of David and Goliath, and that he grew up to be King and did a bad thing with Bathsheba. I passed over that story initially as just a story. I could see nothing significant about it. In retrospect, why did God love David? He was a good kid, but he certainly screwed up as an adult. He committed adultery. He plotted to kill a man. When that was accomplished he married the wife to hide his sin. A son raped his stepsister and their David appeared to ignore the matter. Tamar was the full sister of Absalum, and he was so angry that David did not have Tamnon stoned, as was the law, he plotted to kill his stepbrother. After killing Amnon  Absaloms anger continued to burn hot which lead to his plot to take the throne from his father. This was one messed up family and yet God loved David.  Maybe God loved me after all.

I was benefitting form reading my Bible, but most of the time around school I felt like I was as phony as a three-dollar bill, and my florescent red Bible screamed phony. I was embarrassed at times. I only brought it on YFC days. I didn’t want to walk into club and not have a red Bible. I know I would not have been the only one without a one, but I was exceptionally responsive to peer pressure — even unstated pressure. I wanted to fit in.

The red Bible was like a badge of honor proclaiming that I was part of YFC. It was a badge and I felt like a liar wearing it. Not that I didn’t go to the club. I did, but was I a person of faith? However, that never stopped me from carrying it even though embarrassed. I was never embarrassed to be seen with the gang. In fact, I wanted to be seen with them. I thought they were a great group. I just wanted to believe something important and have a confidence that these friends had. I wanted out of my shell, but stayed put for a while. I was like the turtle more than ostrich. I wasn’t exactly sticking my head in the sand to avoid seeing. I was watching all right, watching and taking notes mentally from the safety of my shell. I would hesitant to reach out for fear I would be rejected. I liked confident people and wanted to be one. 

I wish I still had my red Bible. Don't know where it went.