LINCOLN, NB chapter 231

From Stoneybrook we moved on several stops to Western Pennsylvania and a quiz meet at a camp near Butler. I was scheduled to be the quizmaster for their district finals. The Portrait players were also scheduled to perform several of their comedy skits. There were some buildings on the grounds that reminded us of an old movie western. Since The Gunfight was part of our program we took several group photos in costume against this fun background.

We lumbered our way west to our final church stop before going on to LIFE ’80 at Estes Park, Colorado. Lincoln, Nebraska was the home of Mrs. Ethel Bell and her daughter Mary (Bell) Whitbeck. It was also less than thirty miles from Beatrice, Nebraska the home of my mother and my brother David and his family. They would be at the performance.

Ethel Bell and Mary (Bell) Whitbeck in the lower right corner.

I was excited about performing for Mrs. Bell but also concerned for her. No one really knew what she would remember, if anything about this story of her time on the raft. Ethel had Alzheimer’s. There was a fair amount of media coverage. and Back to the Bible radio staff turned out in numbers.

My family arrived before the show and I took them back to the makeup room to meet the Portrait Players. Having my family there also made me very nervous. They had never seen, heard or read anything I have ever done. I never really knew my mothers spiritual status. Dad was the obvious Christian in my family. David, my favorite brother, abandoned church in high school for the same reason as my other siblings and why I left that church for another. The extreme legalism drove them all crazy. In David’s case he and my older brother, Harlow, had some difficult run-ins with the pastor and his wife. There was no love lose between them. David’s actions and language screamed believer, but he had nothing to do with church.

All of this made me wonder about their response. In addition, I was going to play the captain that night. This night was the reason I cast myself in the rotation. I was desperate for parental approval. Mom had never told me she was proud of me. She had never encouraged me nor built me up. I was 38 years old and still longing for my mom’s approval. I knew something was wrong with my thinking, but it did not change my drive for her approval. I felt like there was so much attention to the story I wrote, the play I wrote, and even to some extent the role I was playing that she could not help herself. She would finally say, “Great job, Clyde.”

I introduced the Portrait Players to my family and got through mom, my nieces and nephews and their family, my sister-in-law Betty but could not remember David’s name. Total blank. Betty had to remind me who he was. I nearly died of embarrassment. Whoops.

The play went well, the reception was nice. Ethel Bell knew the story was about her but did not remember the story. But she was delightful and thrilled to be the focus of the evening.

I went to Beatrice to spend the night with my mother in her trailer. On the ride to Beatrice the family talked about the play and caught me up on what the family was currently doing. Mom said nothing on the entire trip home. When inside her trailer, she made some tea and served cookies as we sat. She then began giving me her version of what was wrong with my siblings. It had always been this way. She was gifted at finding fault and I hear about them all. I was the only one left out of the equation. I was not naïve. I knew that when I was not around, I was added to that list and my faults were laid bare for the others to hear.

As I was headed for bed that night, I could resist no longer. I had to ask what she thought of the play. Her only response was, “It was nice.” I said nothing more. I went to bed doubting I would ever hear those words of approval I so desired.