I want to give everyone fair warning that I am about to take a position that some may consider heretical. I don’t believe it is, but it may serve as an explanation to why some who grew up in churches now reject the church and in some cases reject God.
At our Tuesday Bible study group a concern was expressed about some adult children who were brought up to attend church and will no longer have anything to do with it. I come from a family like that. There were seven children. Only one of my sisters and I continued to attend church after reaching adulthood. Our experience may not be the norm, but they offer light on one perspective.
I have often used the phrase “If its fun, its sin” to explain my perception of the church I attended as a child. I began attending church in the 40’s and 50’s. There seemed to be an angry, threatening message of condemnation and especially with a controlling aspect to preaching. It felt like everything was wrong and God was determined to trap me and get me and the church knew everything about right and wrong. The interpretation of Scripture went above and beyond Scripture. It added to the Word. The love of Jesus was only expressed in the song Jesus Loves Me.
In Bible College, I read Jonathan Edwards most famous message, Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God. It was mentioned as an ideal and powerful sermon. He preached it to the congregation of Enfield, Massachusetts (later Connecticut) in July 1741. An excerpt from The Jonathan Edwards Center at Yale University says:
Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God represents in many persons’ minds the bleak, cruel, and hell-bent outlook of Edwards and his Puritan predecessors. But of course such a representation is only a caricature, for Sinners, if it represents anything, stands for only a small part of Edwards’s view of the relationship between humankind and God. As a specially crafted awakening sermon, Sinners was aimed at a particularly hard-hearted congregation. But, at the same time, the awakening sermon and all it expressed—the awful weight of sin, the wrath of an infinitely holy God, and the unexpectedness of the moment when God will execute justice—were integral to Edwards’s theology.
He was clearly upset and angry with his congregation and addressed them like Jesus addressed the Pharisees. Apparently, he had good reason. However, it seems his message became a model for the way ministers should preach, regardless of the needs of any specific congregation and that continued well into the middle 20th century and in some places still exists. It was almost like no one ever came to know Christ personally and always needed to be reminded that they were going to hell.
I say that to make the point that attending church is not a spiritual end all. The Biblical encouragement to “not forsake the assembling of ourselves together” is used as an encouragement to attend church. Bust should it be? Are there not other ways to assemble? Could it be done in a small group? Could it be one on one? And apart from that, can we come to know and get to know God while alone. Forgive the supposed heresy.
In many ways I consider that inconsequential. Many people grew up being brow beat and manipulated by religion. It was not only done by some preachers, but by traveling evangelists, Christians and even non-Christians who would say, “I didn’t think Christian you could…” finish the line with whatever crossed their mind.
My siblings and I grew up with this angry God. There was plenty of anger in our lives as it was. I (we) wanted love, compassion, understanding, and temperance even the opportunity to have the Holy Spirit speak to us and draw us along in growth and maturity. No one comes to Christ as a mature Christian. I was exhausted by all comments telling me that now that I had accepted Christ I could no longer… (You name it). Who needed God or the Holy Spirit when every so-called Christian I knew was trying to take over Their role. Did no one understand the apostle Paul when he wrote, “When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.” (I Cor. 12:11). Do not people enter into faith as newbie’s? Do they not start with limited understanding as to what it means to walk with Christ? Is there no learning curve?
There are two views of the church that I believe present a better understanding of how the church should function. But first, let me dismiss some false notions. The church is not a legal system where law and judgment is dispersed. It is not a government agency where seniority or longevity has any special rights. It is not a country club where the good old boys gather to party. It is not a social club where one goes to pick up new clients.
It is where the family of God gathers to laugh, relax and enjoy the company of one another and to be accepted by those who love you. As a family there are all levels of maturity from infants to grandparents. Nothing quit functions like a loving family. Yes, I am aware of the many dysfunctional families that exist, and there are just as many as there are dysfunctional churches. But dysfunction is not the goal or the model.
When I was teaching I would often get various surveys crossing my desk. One every survey the number one reason people went to church was for relationships. Their friends and family were there. Yes there were other reasons and many legitimate. Any healthy family welcomes the infants. That means the family is growing and continues. The mature adults love and accept the antics of the younger ones. We revert with them to children’s activities and songs and love what they do even when milk is spilled, things are broken and they won’t share with others. We loving encourage them to do the right thing. We remind them that accidents happen and no permanent damage has been done. We continue to love them through the worse of their problems. Rejection destroys the relationship. Yelling and screaming never accomplished anything.
When the mature adults of a family want everything done their way, we must first question whether they are mature and it does not take long before the younger members of the family no longer want to come around. It’s boring, threatening, or just plain a pain in the neck. That’s why I don’t want to visit aunt Bertha.
A second aspect of a healthy church is that it is like a hospital. People come to get well. No one rushes the healing process. It must take its natural course and while it can be bandaged, medical personal should know that only God does the healing. Also, the speed of healing is not the same for everyone and some injuries are significantly more sever than others.
I know that much damage has been done in the name of Christ. Wars and murder have been committed because of faith. Believers have hurt one another because of the words we speak. Way to many of us believe the only way is our way and that’s a lie. Jesus is the way, but He deals with us individually, not as a unit.
I have great compassion for those hurt by “us.” by religion. I was one of those hurt but I began to read the Bible and then met the real Jesus. I can’t correct the evils of organized religion. Its a man made structure run by weak and sinful men (and women). But most are seriously listening to God and trying to do the right thing. Most want you to know the God they love. Most want you to experience the love they have and are experiencing. Most really care and are trying to express the best way they know how. Lets give one another a break, Give us weak and fallible leaders a break. Relax your demands for our perfection and we will (hopefully) relax our demands that you be sinless. I do not expect perfection in the loving family. I expect understanding and the more mature you think you are, the more understanding and compassion that needs to be demonstrated.
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