OUR COUPLE FRIENDS chapter 214

Many of the couples with whom deep friendships developed were initiated through Della’s work with Married student wives, or with couples from Westside Alliance Church. I never understood fully what Della’s role was in that ministry, but it was certainly deeper than the typical advisor. I believe that was the beginning of a life long ministry of encouragement in particular to younger women.

Della knew the struggles of being a wife to a ministerial workaholic. It meant being a support and encouragement to a husband who kept long hours and put others ahead of their own family at times. It meant feeling like a single mother rearing children. It meant being home when her husband was out working with and seeing the hand of God at work up close and personal. It often meant staying home with the children. It meant experiencing different blessings and the most important to Della, it meant never putting your husband down with parishioners a problem she had seen and hear to often.

I have little doubt that those qualities were part of her attraction as was her skill as to a gracious hostess. Della loved what God was doing through her, but she also made very little of it. It was just what she loved doing and not a responsibility.

We had important connections with Bob and Carol Rose. Of course Della knew Bob through his family back in the Red Deer days. We were also attending the same church. For a brief time Della had a part time job with Bill Russell at his graphic art studio. We had attended CBC as students together and now the same church. Della was his bookkeeper.

We loved Ken and Joann Badley. Both were brighter than I would ever be, and they stimulated our thinking. Ken taught an adult Sunday school class on CS Lewis that few people wanted to miss. He hooked Rodney into the Narnia series, a set we read together several times. I loved Ken’s ability to write creatively with which he challenged cultural issues. I well remember a short piece on the inflation of language where he laughed at the “new” naming of soda cups without changing anything but the names: Large became extra large, medium became large, and small became medium. Small no longer existed. I wonder what he would say about sizing these days. When I began buying pop in bottles they were 6 ounces.

We loved out connection with Doug and Ann Snowsell, Collin and Brandon. Our children were close in age and got along which allowed us longer periods to visit and laugh. Their life change was always an amazement to me. Doug had been in banking and left all of that to come to Bible College to begin an entirely new career. They were passionate and committed to Jesus Christ. We loved their dreams and what was clearly their already giftedness. Della and Ann went on to be with Jesus way too early, as did Della’s childhood friend Merla.

We always maintained our relationship with Rev. and Mrs. Rose. They were mentors. They were surrogate grandparents to our kids. Occasionally I would hear students complain about the rules and the dispensing of justice. I always wanted to push theses kids up against the wall and jam into their heads the dramatic changes that occurred as a result to these people becoming the deans of the college. But they were students. Students complain and always want fewer rules than there are. That did not change me thinking that they had no idea how lucky they were or how different life at the college was in only these few short years.

They were many more relationships we cherished and thank God for each one. Those with whom we associate influence us all.

AMWAY AS FRIENDSHIPS chapter 213

     Della had a gift of hospitality and we always had a trainload of people pass through our home. I couldn’t begin to remember all the interesting and wonderful people we connected with during our Regina years. I brought guests from one group or another with whom I worked. They were also the ones who would just show up at the door from time to time. None of this ever bothered her and she seemed to always have something to serve. You could not come to our house without there being food.

When couples or families came it was at Della’s invitation and we had many couples with whom we enjoyed friendships while there were in Regina and some with whom that relationship extended beyond those years. Della was a master at maintaining relationships and keeping those connections. I’m convinced that women are just better at it than men. I love deep old friendships, but am pathetic at the work necessary to keep those relationships together. I am way better picking up where we left off when we do reconnect. I tend to be much more invested in where I am at the moment. Admittedly that is changing a bit as I age. I now long more for old relationships. I guess because I am old those friends seem secure.

Early in each year we would get a call from a young couple that just wanted to come by just to get to know us better. We both thought it unusual to get a call like that. One or the other of us knew who the couple was, but the connection always seemed rather casual. If I knew them, I had one of the pair in class. If Della knew them it was the wife she had met through student wives. The evening began pleasant enough, but then took a sharp left turn into an unwanted and unexpected sales pitch for Amway. We were both always surprised at the number of couples trying to supplement their income through Amway. They were either selling or recruiting sales people and most often both. Yikes!

The first call was from a very friendly couple that was admittedly fun to be with. We did get to know them and were disappointed at their attempt to turn the evening into a sales pitch. They were dissuaded fairly easy and the evening ended well.

The next couple where not so easily dismissed. Once in our home they had no intention of leaving until we made a purchase or joined the team. I despised Amway’s trained sales approach. It was manipulative, annoying and intrusive. I was called the set up deceitful and disgusting. There was nothing in me supportive of that annoying little pyramid scheme. These people we all more concerned about recruiting us to sell than buy. This extremely annoying couple had an answer for any attempt we made to be polite and kind about our refusal. Della actually excused herself and went to the bedroom not to return. I practically threw them out of the house. But they taught us something.

Any phone call we received in the first semester from a couple we barely knew or with whom we had a limited connection got a standard response when asking about a visit to get to know us better. “We would love to have you over on that basis, but if this is going to turn into an Amway sales pitch we have no interest in the product or your visit.” We never had another Amway pitch in our living room.

On the super annoying side, that first year I was approached by that man on more occasions than one and asked if we had reconsidered. He brought me close to swearing.

Amway of a large collection of environmentally safe cleaning products, I guess. We never even tried the stuff because of how annoying the salesmen were. If you are unaware of the Amway pitch from the 70’s, be thankful. The dealers were rampant in the college.

MERLA chapter 212

One of Della’s best friends was Merla McKee. They had known each other since second grade. Merla lived across the street from Red Deer’s South Elementary while Della lived on top of South Hill. They did many things together and hung out after school — usually at Della’s. They even went to Bible College together although Merla came a year after Della. She began as a student at CBC my first full year. They were also in each other’s wedding party.

Merla married Frank Heck, a young man from the Red Deer Alliance youth group. So Della, Merla and Frank had a long history together. They were married two years after Della and I.

Della and I were both shocked when our friends purchased a farm in Olds, Alberta. We were not so surprised about Frank. He always seems to do well at anything he put his mind to. The man is very bright. But Merla, on the other hand, I could never picture as a farmers wife.

Merla's CBC yearbook photo

Since Olds could be on the way from Saskatchewan to Red Deer when one cut across coountry, we often, no always, stopped to see them on any trips we made from Regina out to visit Della’s family. That was often. It was often easier going west in as straight a route as possible in the winter as the worse of the winter snowstorms usually came out of the north. Every stop with these friends was an overnight stay.

We often arrived early evenings, enjoyed supper, caught up with one another’s current lives and then the reminiscing would begin. Since the three of them all knew the same people I would try to stay involved in the conversation until I got so bored I could no longer keep my eyes open. That meant I was always the first to lose interest in the conversation and head to sleep. The three of them could and would go on for hours. I really was not trying to be rude, but I had no idea who they were talking about and would reach a point when I felt like they might as well be speaking Greek. I had no idea what they were talking about. I had spent two summers in Red Deer working for Alpha Dairy and got to know some of the people, but since they could all got back to their childhood and talk about people I had never heard of or only knew the name — I was lost.

There were times they would tell me, “You met so-and-so at…” Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t. In may cases I probably had met the person, but the meeting was so short or I stood by while one or more of the three of them connected on such a deep level that I may as well have been wallpaper.

Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t mind those “catching up on the old times,” I just wasn’t part of those old times and could not stay engaged. I had tried to stay on track for many of our earliest visits and was content to sit on the side like a bump on a log for a while. They had so much fun and all tried to draw me in. I never felt neglected, just out of place. That was fine. Since it was always an eight hour drive just to get to their place I was tired so in time they all accepted that it would be agreeable that I go to sleep and gets lots of rest and get out of their hair.

Merla was actually a very good farmers wife and Frank was a very hard worker. He had a few animals but mostly grew wheat. I always laughed thinking of city girl Merla taking care of the chicken, gathering their eggs and sloping pigs. Frank always took care of the few head of cattle they had.

Besides being a farmer, Frank worked at the nearby prison as a counselor. He carried both jobs for many years. That is until they moved to Oregon near where we lived. That story will come later.

DELLA’S MINISTRY chapter 211

Della came into her own and found her place in ministry during our years in Regina. She left working with me in youth ministry when we had children. The preschoolers just took too much time. Two decisions came into play of open these doors.

First, she became an Avon purposely to meet the lady to meet the ladies in the neighborhood. She got to know most of them. Those were still the days that a great number of women were home during the day. She made two significant relationships.

 One was our immediate next-door neighbor who had a son the same age as Rod. The boy was hyperactive and often out of control. His mother was exhausted by the boy and often depressed and lethargic. We were convinced she was just plain worn out. She could stay closed up in her house for days at a time. It seemed she would just forget to give her son his medication to keep him calm. To her, life was often unbearable. Della reached out to her beyond the call of duty.

Joan did not like to cook and when depressed would let her house go until it was unsanitary. Her husband did nothing to help her. On many an occasion, Della was at her house cleaning her kitchen. Every dish and pan was dirty and the sink, table, some chairs and spots on the floor were covered with dirty dishes and old hardened food.

While the rest of the house was dusty and piled with clothes and toys, it was never the unlivable mess of her kitchen. Della was concerned about the family’s health. Della was excellent at not laying guilt or accusing Joan. Her compassion abounded.

Her best neighborhood friend was Geniène, a French Canadian Catholic lady who lived down our alley a block away. They were real good friends and did a great deal together. Geniène was a woman of faith who talked about God all the time and how she prayed and what she believed. Roger, her husband, became my friend. He built a box for the top of his station wagon so he and his family of five girls could take a vacation. He asked me to paint snoopy characters for him, which I did. In turn her helped me insulate an extension of our living room (and old porch that was now part of the house proper) and replace the single pane picture window with a double pane sealed window. That really helped our heating bill. Besides, Roger was a glass man.

We wanted a separate area for our TV and set it in that tiny ex-porch space. We went and bought a very narrow love seat that just fit the space for our seating. Without knowing it, the furniture company had a drawing among their customers and we ended up getting our money back in a monthly drawing. How cool was that. We wished we had bought a better quality.

Geniène would come down to visit with Della every school day about 3:15 and stay till 5:00. We were both often trying to figure out why she came at that time. Out of the blue she told Della she came because that was the time of day her five girls all came home from school and she just didn’t fight with them if she was out of the house. Made has laugh.

Della developed a significant women’s ministry in the neighborhood and also with the Student Wives program. I don’t know how she really did it, but many women passed through her kitchen and dining room table for tea. I didn’t really know how many until we moved to Oregon and I would come home for lunch at times and find her listening to one woman or another. After she passed away I received letters from dozens of young women she had been writing to encourage them in ministry. She took a special interest in younger women whose husbands were in the ministry.  Most we never trained for that “job.”

She also reached out to several of the Portrait Player girls. Some came just to hang out with Della and talk. She was an expert had giving comfort and encouragement.

CLASS ARGUMENTS chapter 210

I admit there were times when I attempted to set classes up for arguments. If I could get them to defend a certain position I knew I was getting them to think. Admittedly, it was always harder to get them to change their minds once they dug their heels in, especially in the freshman class.

I could stimulate them to argue in my philosophy class and my freshman Intro to CE class. The freshmen class was always the most volatile. When students are freshman, they still know everything.

They would argue over the value of camping – specifically over the best age for kids to begin camping. They would argue over ratio of camp leaders to campers or Sunday school teachers to students, or the value of Sunday School. But my all time favorite and always the most volatile discussion was over children’s church.

The question was, “Which ministry approach is best for children: To remain in the sanctuary with their parents or to be in children’s church?” After posing the question and writing it on the chalkboard I sent them into group of 4-5 to discuss the issue and come to a conclusion. Later we could come together as class to make a determination.

It was always fun to walk around the class and listen to the discussion. There were normally three positions. 1) If they went to a children’s church and liked it, it was good. 2) If they went to children’s church and didn’t like it, it was bad. 3) If they never had a Children’s Church it was always best if children remained in the worship service with their parents. Those who did not grow up in a church asked the right question and attempted to stay on point, but were usually argued into silence. This was normally the only group that even attempted to figure out what was best for the children.

It wasn’t unusual for the discussion to never address the issue of the ages appropriate for the program. It was a very black and white issue to the freshmen. I’m sure there were many in the class confused over the issue and had no idea what might be best, but they were often drowned out by the pros and cons of the dogmatic students.

It may have been a bit sadistic for me to let them get so carried away, but they focused right in during the last five minutes I turned it back to the focus of the question. “Which ministry approach is best for children: To remain in the sanctuary with their parents or to be in children’s church?” The key word is BEST. What does the word best mean? The question never was which was best for you, nor was it what you liked or not like. I then asked that they write a one-page paper due the next class on the value, if any, of a children’s church program. That was an attempt to get them to focus on the needs and characteristics of children. The following class was always very profitable. We began a serious discussion of how one meets the needs of children beginning with what they are like. Most had forgotten what children were really like and what they needed. By 19 or 20 they knew little kids wiggled, but thought they should learn to sit still. Good luck.

"The Bible says..." It really didn't.

It was always amazing to see how many came to a solid decision and for very specific reasons. They then wrote a later paper on meeting the needs of children and by far the majority came to support having a children’s church. I was unconcerned about their conclusion if they demonstrated thought. Not emotion.

I believe it was my second year teaching that was the most explosive. The discussion was hot, loud and dogmatic. It reached a high point when Bill Finamore stood on his chair with his Bible open defending his position. It was so funny the entire class was roaring with laughter.

STUDENT CREATIVITY chapter 209

Obviously there would be no school without students although teachers at times which there weren’t any. I loved their energy, their enthusiasm and their creativity. That often extends beyond their studies. That is as it should be.

For a couple of years I followed Dr. Dennis Oliver, a missionology professor, with my own C.E. class in the freshman lecture hall. I loved Dennis. He and his family lived on Victoria Avenue only a couple of blocks from us. We often traded babysitting. But Dennis appeared to be the stereotypical absent-minded professor. Students would often set up some joke to mess with Dennis and since the gag was already set, they would try it again in my class. But one of the funniest had nothing to do with anyone playing a joke on him. It was purely Dennis.

Dennis always had an armful of books and papers when he arrived only moments before class began. On this day he arrived rather harried, not unusual. He spread out his books and papers on the table and was digging around for something when class was to begin. He was going through his pockets and briefcase as he looked everywhere for his glasses. After a few short minutes of frustration, he told the class what he would be right back, He excused himself while he went back to his office to find his very necessary glasses. It wasn’t long after he left when the whole class burst into laughter. His glasses were on top of his head. Naturally, no one told him.

There were two class jokes attempted on me. The first involved a puppet stage to the left of the podium. When I arrived I noticed students looking from the box to me and back at the box. Class had not started so I walked over beside the puppet box – looked and listened but heard nothing. I mouthed to the class “Is there someone in there.” Several nodded that there were.

A few minutes into class the puppeteer began is mime entertainment program. There were some snickers. I could not see the puppet from my angle but I motioned to the class not to respond. The puppeteer began to talk and then sing. Then he asked the class to sing. I motioned to them not to sing. He was getting nervous and realized his joke was falling flat. I finally asked him he wanted to come out or did he prefer to just sit there quietly until the class was over. He said, “I’ll just wait.” After class I went to met him and watched his face turn red from embarrassment. I told him it was a good try, but he could have joined the class. He was too embarrassed. I figured it out before class. He mentioned that Dr. Oliver never did get it.

My all time favorite was the player piano. As I walked into class, I happened to notice some hooks in the ceiling. I admit that even noticing something like that was rather unusual as the ceiling was quite high. I did notice some students looking in that area. That caught my attention.

As I got down by the piano I could see there were wires from those hooks down into the piano. I then followed the wires along the ceiling to another set of hooks and noticed they came down at one special desk. The student at that desk had his back turned to me and did not notice that I was looking.

About 20 minutes into class the piano began to play the first few notes of Mary Had A Little Lamb. I looked at the piano and it stopped. I continued as through nothing has happened. When it started up again I continued my lecture while walking up the aisle to where the pianist was playing and asked him to play the entire song. “I only have three keys rigged.” We all laughed and it was over. I understand he terrorized Dr. Oliver.

You just cannot beat the creative of students. There was something happening all the time. It was easier to pull off the great jokes on a professor who lectured. They never knew exactly what I had planned for my class from time to time.

There was another time when the puppet stage was planned for used, but I almost immediately put the class into small groups and the class got so loud nothing happened. This time I never knew anyone was in there until the end when I saw him coming out. I went over to tell him how sorry I was that I had put a kink into his plans.

The hard part for the student was that Dr. Oliver had a guest lecturer that same day so the boy was in the box for two hours and never had the opportunity to do whatever it was he had planned. 

END OF PHASE ONE chapter 207

     I had completed four years at the end of 1978, a full four-year cycle. The freshmen I had begun with were now graduating. The good part was that I had survived. The bad part was that I was losing some students to whom I had become attached. Ones I had begun with. I know teachers are to unbiased and love them all equally but I didn’t know them equally. And realistically, you cannot know them all equally. Some like to remain anonymous others want to be noticed. Then there are those in the middle. I remembered the ones who were trouble, talkative, entertaining, noisy. That is actually only a very small percentage of the students. I was unbiased in class, but on a personal level I was losing some I knew I would miss and some I felt like I needed.

Garry as the "Gunfighter"

I had started with Garry Tollefson in his freshman year and he was the only one with me for all four years. He and I have talked and written in recent years and I am aware of what Portrait Players did for him and he knows some of what he did for me. He became an exceptionally dependable guy who not only always came with his lines memorized and ready to go, once we got lights, he handled the set up and break down and trained the rest of the team how we functioned as we traveled. His senior photo made a statement about how he felt about being a Portrait Player.

Con as CBC Student Body President

Conrad Hild had been with me for three years and he left in his fourth year to be student body president. I also missed him. He was a terrific actor and another one I could always depend on. He always had great suggestions and could pull off any role. Con stayed around Regina so we continued to have some contact. He began dating my gratis worker so I still saw him round my office from time to time. Gratis was the term used for students who worked around the campus in exchange for lower tuition. Barb was my secretary.

Both Garry and Con have continued in theater being very involved in community projects, Garry in Regina and Con in Calgary. I only wish I could see them in their local productions. That would be a thrill.

I my thinking this was going to be the last year for No Time For Tombstones. It was a good run and I loved doing it, but creatively it was pinching some nerves. I had let my superiors know I wanted to try something else and was given permission. But over the summer things changed. We had missed several important churches that still wanted to see the play. I didn’t know how I would do it without Garry and Con, but on the positive side I had returning actors and picked up and carried on beautifully.

We had some creative soul design and sew a camel costume for Youth Conference. This was a two-person deal but it was a lot of full. I don’t remember the fill title was it was something about “Oasis.” I remember great skits and great music. I never took photos at youth conference. I was always way too busy.

Youth conference musical group

The camel from Youth Conference

I also remember this year making the biggest mistake of my married life. I was scheduled to be part of a Christian Education conference in Kindersley, Saskatchewan and was scheduled to travel with two others from Regina. One was Rev. Orthner, whom I considered the reason I was even in ministry. At home I had a wife and two kids now feeling very well and wanting me to cancel and stay home with them. I was torn, I knew I should stay, but I was seriously confused on my priorities and didn’t want to disappoint my mentor. I made the trip, returning home to three very sick people. I am still not over the guilt from that stupidity.